For people without ADHD it can be tough when you’re at a party, or out and about, and you suddenly get the intense feeling that you need to just shut up.
It can be for whatever reason: you said something ridiculous or rude on accident, you realized you were talking over the person you’re with, whatever it is it triggers some unique defense mechanism that just tells us to shut our damn mouth.
Having ADHD, this happens at least once a week.
I was often on my own these past two months before I started getting out and doing volunteer stuff, seeing friends, and stopped laying on the couch wondering what I could even do. I downloaded some dating apps (realize I’m saying this because I don’t care what your opinion on them is) to meet people.
I’ve found that the person I was in uni is really slowly crawling her way back to the surface the more I leave my house. (“But Em! Why were you home so much?” Because it’s cold and I’m weak, okay? I admit that). Instead of despising everything I say or thinking it’s ridiculous, I’m getting back to the place of realizing people don’t have to like me, and I don’t have to care if they do.
I can definitely run my mouth. If you get me talking on theatre or nutrition, (Or even the difference in Christian denominations, apparently) I’ll go for a while. These things are typically what get me into the shut up, Em! mode.
It’s like an Energizer bunny thing. And I hated it. I would wish I could just keep quiet, not talk too much, and listen.
Personal development of listening skills aside, I realized that what people thought of me wasn’t any of my damn business, either. It took realizing that I was a pretty rad person before I started shutting up my ‘shut up’ instinct.
I listen. I interact. I want to hear what people are saying- but if people don’t want to do the same for me, then why keep them around?
New job rocks. I can’t say much, since it’s a hospital job and I don’t want to give too much away, but I love it. It’s working with patients to order meals and help them feel comfortable while they’re in the hospital. While it is technically food service, I’m not on the line (auditory processing has taught me that would be an awful job for me), but rather on the phone.
This is also part of why I mentioned the stuff above. I’ve gotten much, much better in the span of my first week there not taking people being mad personally. I haven’t had screaming yet, just upset people, and I help them without crying after! It’s such a freeing feeling.
I like the comradery of the diet office too. If you want to know more, in the near future I’m actually going to do a split screen with Libby Rothschild! Who has been for a while someone I totally look up to, so you can bet I was fangirling when she asked me to go live with her!
I’m working hard on scheduling my writing days wisely so you guys get content from me regularly. The last thing I want to do is stop writing and podcasting for y’all. But if I start to get quiet around here, message me on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook and tell me to come back!
As always, do your homework, eat a vegetable, and don’t forget to smile at someone today. See you soon!