Putting yourself out there

Putting Yourself out there.png

It wasn’t until Monday morning that I realized I didn’t write a post last week letting y’all know about life and dropping some knowledge. I want to apologize for that, and let y’all know that I MISSED YOU!

My brain and body are still getting used to working again. I love my job (I get free coffee!), and I love what I do, it’s just the process of getting used to a new schedule. I push when I can, but there are days where I fall asleep on the couch (eerily like how my mom is dozing on hers when she gets home…) and other things fall to the wayside.

As time goes on, though, the energy is getting there.

I like being honest with you guys about mental health too since my interest is in being transparent and helping people help themselves. One of the ways to do that, as I learned reading Doctor’s Townstead and Cloud’s book How People Grow, is by helping them realize they’re not alone. That failure is normal.

While I’m all for positivity, sometimes (especially with ADHD) it feels like the spaces are filled to burst with positivity. That ADHD is a gift, a blessing, or whatever helps the person feel better in the moment. That’s all well and good sometimes, but I think that does a disservice to fellow ADHDers.

People see our positivity, that “Yaaay ADHD is fun!” and they think that we aren’t hindered by this disorder. It’s okay to be positive, but we also need to be honest.

Sometimes, ADHD sucks. I hate having mood swings, spacing out all the time, or having bad “brain days” where it feels like I just cannot get my brain to catch up with my body. And for a long time, I was worried about writing about these negatives until I realized that people without ADHD get these days too- so why should I be quiet about mine?

Probably because we push the positive of ADHD and stigmatize the idea that ADHD might be detrimental to people. We need resources, not just endless positivity. We can keep up, we just need a hand. And there’s no shame in that.

I feel this way with anxiety too. It wasn’t until recently that I started reaching out when my anxiety got bad. It’s really helped just to express what I was feeling, especially now that I started dating. Which has been an interesting exercise in seeing how my anxiety changes in different situations. I’m sure there’s natural anxiety that comes with dating and adding that on top of regular social anxiety can just make it a large, delicious, nervous wreck smoothie.

But damn, am I glad I started putting myself out there. Let me tell you why:

Because I can feel myself grow as a person.

I was so scared of dating before I started. For some reason, I was an immovable object when it came to putting myself out there. Yeah, I can do theatre, but that’s different than auditioning people to be a part of your life like that. Especially when you, too, are being “auditioned”.

But after the first “first date”, you slowly start to get used to it, and the anxiety gives way to excitement and confidence. Something I knew I needed but never worked on. Just like blogging, doing something new has helped me work on skills I didn’t realize need working on.

So go out and do a thing that scares you, you never know where it may lead, and know that your coping mechanisms will be waiting for you when you get home.

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